I do not think there is anything I can say that has not been written in funny tweets, heartwarming youtube videos, or striking tiktoks. But at the same time I felt the need to write this entry, because writing always helps me.
Coming back to the pandemic, I would like to point out that I understand that people's sanity is dependant on having a walk outside, I am in no way calling out those who responsibly go for a walk in the park - wearing masks and social distancing -, but you cannot help but feel rage when all we need to do is to stay home and THAT proves to be a difficulty for some. Quite frankly, seeing the military taking away people on trucks in Italy into wooden boxes because they ran out of coffins, was more than enough for me to stay hidden in my apartment. How was that not enough for others? And I have no problem calling out those morally corrupt who, after hearing about the death of so many, decided to go with inspiration quotes and fueling people with such smart sayings as "This is no way to live!". It was disgusting. It still is. There is absolutely no way to live when you are dead from a virus, have you thought about that, genius?
If you are unhappy, get a divorce, move out, go to therapy; If you have serious depression, EXTRA get therapy; If you REFUSE to treat yourself, if you decide that your life is not important enough, at least STOP breaking quarantine and endangering the life of others.
So many kept working, pharmacies, doctors, nurses, grocery stores, teachers, caretakers, and society, better yet, governments, still have absolutely not learned how to value human life. And it is f*cking upsetting.
Protests about having hair salons open? Seriously? Tell me how humanity is still worth saving. I'll listen.
I had a lot of friends who had it worse, and the people who lost their loved ones to the virus... I just cannot start telling you how sorry I am. If by staying at home I managed to keep safe at least my family, then it was worth it.
It actually took me one year to get where people were during the first quarantine. Right now, I really feel like I cannot do this anymore. Until now I had other things in my life that occupied my mind, and kept me second guessing myself, I was no stranger to depression, but I was still lucky and I do not want to sound ungrateful about my luck. I am not here preaching to those that were forced to endure in this, but to those that still TODAY refuse to wear masks and dare to call it "just a flu". Think of the incredible hatred against Asian-Americans right now... does this feel like a world you want to live in?
Sorry, I was going back to the rage part of it, let's stay here. As I said, I was lucky, and part of that was thanks to the energy I could put into reading, gaming, writing, and teaching, that then helped me charge my battery and pass my exam as well as be there for my family when they needed me. Most people were drained, and that is understandable. I also noticed that my need for humans around decreased to a point where I enjoy my own company far more than crowds. My social skills turned out to be muscles, all limp without exercise. And my craving for companionship is at an all time high, as I sit here and abide by the rules despite seeing more and more people breaking them and pushing off the end of this horrible pandemic.
And on top of everything, I just have to remind myself that these were not normal times. I don't care if some genius people invented or wrote great things during pandemics in the history of mankind. I am not a genius, I am not a great man. And even if I did have a muse appear in front of me, I would not flaunt my work, knowing all too well have most suffered during this time.
Wash your paws, keep safe, and get a vaccine!