Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Blogger: 365 Days of a Pandemic

I do not think there is anything I can say that has not been written in funny tweets, heartwarming youtube videos, or striking tiktoks. But at the same time I felt the need to write this entry, because writing always helps me. 

The Rage

I spent a whole year seeing posts online about what people were going through, having a hard time handling the four walls, not seeing loved ones, and well... I am sorry, but a lot of them had incredible first world problems. Especially in my own country I could not help but feel that the virus was a lesson in people appreciating what they have, and when you decide to go on a trip with your kids while there is a virus out there that is literally killing people, not only are you endangering their lives, but you are being a reckless fuck. You clearly do not appreciate what you have and are happy to throw is away with the first chance you get. There is a deeper message here about how consumer society is rotten to its core, and where we deem human relationships the same way we view an amazon order. Here, another nice metaphor for you, that I am sure you can decipher on your own. Long story short, there is need for change in the world.

Coming back to the pandemic, I would like to point out that I understand that people's sanity is dependant on having a walk outside, I am in no way calling out those who responsibly go for a walk in the park - wearing masks and social distancing -, but you cannot help but feel rage when all we need to do is to stay home and THAT proves to be a difficulty for some. Quite frankly, seeing the military taking away people on trucks in Italy into wooden boxes because they ran out of coffins, was more than enough for me to stay hidden in my apartment. How was that not enough for others? And I have no problem calling out those morally corrupt who, after hearing about the death of so many, decided to go with inspiration quotes and fueling people with such smart sayings as "This is no way to live!". It was disgusting. It still is. There is absolutely no way to live when you are dead from a virus, have you thought about that, genius?

If you are unhappy, get a divorce, move out, go to therapy; If you have serious depression, EXTRA get therapy; If you REFUSE to treat yourself, if you decide that your life is not important enough, at least STOP breaking quarantine and endangering the life of others. 

So many kept working, pharmacies, doctors, nurses, grocery stores, teachers, caretakers, and  society, better yet, governments, still have absolutely not learned how to value human life. And it is f*cking upsetting. 

Protests about having hair salons open? Seriously? Tell me how humanity is still worth saving. I'll listen.

Coping Mechanisms

I had good hobbies to take up my time. I mostly made sure I had my weekly post on my blog and that structure helped a lot. I was fortunate, really fortunate, that I was used to working from home and teaching online, and thus the home-office situation fit me perfectly. Of course, it was not ideal to sit here all day, and again, I have a balcony that helped me keep my sanity. 

I had a lot of friends who had it worse, and the people who lost their loved ones to the virus... I just cannot start telling you how sorry I am. If by staying at home I managed to keep safe at least my family, then it was worth it. 

It actually took me one year to get where people were during the first quarantine. Right now, I really feel like I cannot do this anymore. Until now I had other things in my life that occupied my mind, and kept me second guessing myself, I was no stranger to depression, but I was still lucky and I do not want to sound ungrateful about my luck. I am not here preaching to those that were forced to endure in this, but to those that still TODAY refuse to wear masks and dare to call it "just a flu". Think of the incredible hatred against Asian-Americans right now... does this feel like a world you want to live in? 

Sorry, I was going back to the rage part of it, let's stay here. As I said, I was lucky, and part of that was thanks to the energy I could put into reading, gaming, writing, and teaching, that then helped me charge my battery and pass my exam as well as be there for my family when they needed me. Most people were drained, and that is understandable. I also noticed that my need for humans around decreased to a point where I enjoy my own company far more than crowds. My social skills turned out to be muscles, all limp without exercise. And my craving for companionship is at an all time high, as I sit here and abide by the rules despite seeing more and more people breaking them and pushing off the end of this horrible pandemic.

And on top of everything, I just have to remind myself that these were not normal times. I don't care if some genius people invented or wrote great things during pandemics in the history of mankind. I am not a genius, I am not a great man. And even if I did have a muse appear in front of me, I would not flaunt my work, knowing all too well have most suffered during this time. 

The Future

I am sitting and waiting for my vaccine, having a horrible fear of needles and still knowing that vaccines are what save lives. We might go back to the rage here, but people still being against vaccines at this point in time just makes me want to scream into a pillow. You cannot try and go back to the way things were without change, compromise, and not having learned anything. I know many will, as they are represented by politicians who preach A and then do B. Too many idiots will survive, I know.

But I must endure. We all must. Good people will prevail. We will mourn those we lost. We will thank the tireless work of those who did not have a quarantine when all others did. I personally will not forget the front-line workers and teachers who worked tirelessly. So many put others ahead of themselves and they need our appreciation and help more than anyone else after these time pass. I am always thankful for all my students, who come to class every Friday, poor creatures who had to endure graduation exams and the beginning of university or scholarships from their living rooms behind a computer. You guys kept me from going insane!

I have plans, bucket lists, travel lists, movie lists, book lists, and so on... I crave music that I can listen to while on public transport, I look forward to gas stations. Let me tell you that the best part of travelling IS gas station, and I miss overpriced bad coffee. More first world problems, I know. But this is where I stand and I will be the good student that I have always been until this is officially over.

Do you have something you really want to do after all of this is over?

Share it with me in the comment section!

Wash your paws, keep safe, and get a vaccine!

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