Monday, July 30, 2012


Before we dig in I just want to say how sorry I am and that my prayers are with the friends and families of the victims of the Colorado shooting. I cannot imagine what would possess somebody to take someone’s… anyone’s life. It’s not fair and it is incredibly awful. I know that my words will not bring much comfort, however I am also deeply disturbed that the media was able to turn this into the idea that it is movies that make people sick like this. I mean, think about it: the people who shot Lincoln and JFK probably watched too much Batman, didn’t they? I can see the connection. But my anger is useless, for what I say has no importance. I honestly hope that one day justice will find those who take our loved ones away and that you’ll find closure. I really do.

I have just seen the new movie, but I wan’t to talk about the two prequels as well. I hoped to be done with the Marvel reviews by now, but it doesn’t look like it just yet, so let us discuss Christopher Nolan’s Batman.

Bruce Wayne loses his parents and while trying very hard to turn off his pain he encounters a man by the name of Ra’s Al Ghul who teaches him how to use his fear for fighting. He returns to Gotham and becomes the Batman, a masked vigilante who fights criminals. Except Ra’s Al Ghul returns to him because he believes that Bruce betrayed him and his higher calling is to destroy the weak and the corrupt, but he is not doing so. He defeats the bad guys and people start liking him.
Thoughts? Good movie, but I didn’t like it. If you ever wondered how Batman learned to fight, how he came over his fear of bats, how he has the money and resources, how he trained to be this apparently unbeatable human being – then you’ll be satisfied as the movie is a very good origin movie that'll answer all your questions. Sort of like the cartoon Batman: Year One. Read further for the ’why’ I disliked the movie.

Bruce has to face off with his arch enemy the Joker: a lunatic genius who uses his talents to kill and destroy. During his mischiefs he kills off the only person Bruce is willing to give up his life as Batman for and also turns one of the most loyal and trustworthy people, Harvey Dent – a public defender, believer in the Batman - into a psichotic killer. Batman takes the fault for Harvey’s wrong doings, seeing that the people of Gotham need to believe in somebody, somebody who cannot be corrupted by the harm ways of terrorists.
Thoughts? I agree that Heath Ledger deserved an Academy Award for this performance, it was off the charts truly! Good movie, again, I didn’t like it, but totally worth watching, even without the other two. Also, "The Dark Knight"? What happened to "Batman"? I might be and idiot (it is still up for discussion), but I had no idea who the dark knight was. I had heard Batman be called the detective, flying mouse, masked vigilante and so on - the knight part totally escaped my attention. I thought dark referred to a state of mind, therefore I thought that this title referred to the Joker… yeah.

(Go to the bottom of the page to see my total review without spoilers!)

Bruce puts the suit down for over eight years, when a series of unfortunate events occur, all related to a mercenary by the name of Bane. He tries to investigate, but no matter what angle he approaches, he always runs into a Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman – a burglar for hire.
Bruce is set on putting on his suit again, because Gotham needs the Batman once more. Commissioner Gordon is in the hospital and the police are hesitant in believing anything he says, because he always chose the Batman’s side, while the people of Gotham consider him a murderer who took away their precious Harvey Dent. Bruce decides to face Bane, except he too is a disceple of Ra’s Al Ghul, from the League of Shadows, and he knows his true identity, and just like in the comics, Bane breaks Bruce’s back. After putting Bruce in a prison somewhere, he goes back to Gotham to destroy it forever – to carry on Ra’s Al Ghul’s work. Bruce conquers the last of his demons, a doctor in the prison heals his back and is revealed Bane’s weakness – his mask. Bruce gets back to Gotham but only when he is about to defeat Bane SPOILER ALERT! – he has to face Talia, Ra’s Al Ghul’s daughter, who disguised herself to get a hold of Wayne Enterprises. Bruce is helped by Gordon and in the end he is in time to take the bomb set to destroy Gotham out of the city, but with it he too dies.  – END OF SPOILERS.
Thoughts? I loved it, I cried in the end, then I had to smile from the bottom of my heart, I was truly touched by it and it is true, you should see it in the theatres! But then my brother called it "Plot-hole: the movie". And yeah, he was completely right… I have so many bad things to say about it, let’s go in order:

(You’ll be warned again, when I am discussing more thoroughly the third movie.)

- First problem is the one I had with all the movies: Christian Bale is a very good Batman, but he is an awful Bruce Wayne. There is this line that Joseph Gordon-Levitt delivers, saying that he saw Mr. Wayne’s fake smile and that is how he realized he was the Batman. Bruce DOES NOT SMILE ONCE IN THREE MOVIES! Yes, Batman is a very dark character but the only, ONLY reason why people don’t know the true identity of his is because Bruce Wayne is one of the most cheerful and giving, outgoing people alive in Gotham! All the charity events and dinners where he is supposed to pretend to be agains the idea of Batman fall flat because he doesn’t fool ANYBODY!!!
This is going to sound awful, because there is really no comparison and although I am the only female who is not attracted to him, the only person who nailed Bruce Wayne was George Clooney. YES, Nolan, I went there! Clooney, awful Batman, wonderful Wayne: he has this reassuring smile and kindness to him that all the other Bruce's lack. The only time Michael Keaton came close to it was in the second movie when he reveals himself to Selina (Michelle Pfeiffer) so he can help her, care for her. That is it. I love the cartoons and the comics because Bruce is such a great character, there is no need to kill him off for Batman to exist – very wrong approach.
 - Batman… close you goddamn mouth! All the time he is in that ridiculous suit he keeps his mouth open and it looks stupid! Did the rubber suit press so hard on your skin? What is happening there?!!
 - In the first two movies we are given this Rachel character who is supposed to be Bruce’s love. Not only did I not feel any chemistry among the two, but there wasn’t any either. I felt that Katie Holmes played a boring love interest and then Maggie Gyllenhaal played Katie Holmes. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Well it wasn’t! And when she dies in the second movie, I literally could not care less. ALSO Bruce channels his anger from his parent’s death, so wouldn’t he only become stronger after losing Rachel? NOPE! He puts the suit down, bye-bye new forms of anger management! There are so many girls that simple fall for Bruce/Batman, and their love is so sincere and deep, really this character was just a really bad choice – and when they do channel the comic love interests, they put too many in one movie. Lovely.
- Another biggest problem is that in all the movies we have this darkness that enhances Bruce's pain, but in this one basically everything except for the first act is set in day light! I don't like it! Did they realize that they paid to much for it to go to waist by not being seen in the dark? I didn't get it! Also there is a chase scene where Batman enters a tunnel in daylight and when he exists it is dark out... what? Seriously? NOBODY noticed that?!
 - Bane was NOTHING like the way he is supposed to be! Bane has a green colored venom which he turns on to turn superhuman – WHERE THE HELL WAS THE VENOM? In this movie he already had super strength, how? Why? He cannot be superhuman without anything being injected in him, or if it already was, why weren’t we told about it? The whole movie gives us flashback’s on Bane’s story – implying that we’re supposed to care – yet we never really find out anything about him… Not to mention that he had the voice of a law professor from Harward… I understand that he has a very high levels of intellect and is a sort of genius, but it sounded awful! Not to mention that it is not a coincidence he has a spanish accent in every cartoon! Why British? I did like the mask though, because at least it covered Tom Hardy’s awful face.
 - Nestor Carbonell, the mayor, has one of the most beautiful voices in history and for some reason they changed it to a high pitched sissy that makes him look like and idiot!
 - I didn’t like Anna Hathaway for a very long time. She starred in The Princess Diaries which was the adaptation of my favorite book and it was an AWFUL MOVIE!!!! God it was so bad I need to puke!!! STILL!!! And I only saw it once, years ago! But, a couple of years back she starred in a biographical movie of Jane Austen’s life, Becoming Jane, and she was wonderful. I changed my whole perspective about her and I was looking forward to seeing her in this, even though many people objected that she wasn’t sexy enough. Actually my only objection was her suit… It’s stupid, I seriously don’t get how they get to ruin Catwoman’s suit in EVERY SINGLE ADAPTATION. Mostly because she is trying, or is supposed to try to keep her identity secret, at which she fails multiple times with this costume. So even though my brother found it weird that there was really no back story to her and that we are supposed to just guess, I liked her very much! She did not disappoint!


- So there is this Blake kid, who is an orphan… oh gee, I wonder who he will be! We discover that he has another name, "Robin"… no, no, no, no, NOOO!!!!!!! His name is DICK GRAYSON or any other versions were available, Robin is a kind of bird after which he got the name of his hero identity, his name is NOT Robin!!! If the sole purpose of this was so that the dumb viewer knew who he was, then make other implications, shows us scenes where he plays with birds, or anything, for god’s sake this is so idiotic! Also, there was no need to imply that he is Robin, seeing that the people who take over the bat suit are always believers in the cause that the world needs superheroes. Throughout the whole movie Blake proves himself, he cares for Batman, he changed his life, all his ambitions are there, why was there need to play this stupid card? I don’t get it.
 - My brother’s biggest problem was that Batman is incapable of putting down the suit – he just can’t, it’s like an addiction. Spider-Man might, that is fine, Captain might, he lost a lot; but Batman never will. And to that I’d like to add that there is a part of the movie where Alfred leaves him, saying that he will not sit back and watch him die. To that I’d like to say that even though Batman might put down the suit, Alfred would never, literally NEVER leave him, so that was dumb too.
 - I really liked though the twist with Talia. During the movie I was thinking really hard, did Ra’s Al Ghul have a son? Did he have kids? Wait he did, who was it? And the moment before revealing herself I realized – Oh, my God! Talia! It was truly awesome and Marion Cotillard was a great choice!
But we know very well that Ra’s Al Ghul has a pool that can revive people and yet Talia dies and we are told that Ra’s definitely died! There also was this totally useless love scene between Talia and Bruce, and I would’ve liked far more an ending where Talia is revived by her dad and that she is with child (as there is a story line where she gives birth to Batman’s son, the next Robin). Also Talia loved Batman, that was her one weakness, her kryptonite – she could never bring herself to fight him, even though he was his father’s enemy – because she loved him. There was no sign of that and she was even capable of choosing ass ugly Bane over Batman?! What the heck?
- Then we have these scenes where Bruce is trying to escape the prison where Bane put him. In all the flashbacks, where we see the only kid who did escape, the kid isn't wearing a rope, while Bruce did and the rope looks like it always holds him back at the time of a big jump. But no, there was a spiritual explanation: only if he fears death/fears falling will he succeed. I'm pretty sure that is not how it works. Not to mention that Bane left him in that prison to rot away while he watches the destruction of Gotham on TV - instead the inmates cure him and he escapes. Not a very good plan there Bane dear! Oh yeah, and wonderfully Bruce got to Gotham from that prison at the end of the world in about three seconds... Yeah OK!
 - Bane’s death is stupid. Not to mention that his mask almost breaks and he is unable to put it back together, while when Talia touches it twice fixes it. OK, Bane you're an idiot for a super genius!
 - Bruce receives a plane from Mr. Fox, which the latter called "The Bat”… why would you call it that, are you retarded? This plane looks like a freaking box, it doesn't even have wings! WHAT KIND OF BAT MOBILE OR PLANE DOESN'T HAVE WINGS??!!
 - Nobody believes Gordon about bad guys being in the sewers, even though Gordon is the hospital because he was beat up in the sewers, and this isn’t about believing him or not, he is the freaking Commissioner!! Also, did the mayor die? There was that scene where it looked like something blew up behind him, did he really die?
- Last and biggest problem is that Ra's legacy was to destroy a corrupt city. Gotham was indeed corrupt, but we start off with 8 WHOLE YEARS of peace! Crime is over, this city doesn't need a Batman and Talia comes to finish her father's legacy? For what? Go find another city, for example where Lex Luthor resides at the moment... I don't get why, WHY would you insist on destroying this city where Ra's' predictions have already been crushed to the ground? The only way for Bane to prove that people are corrupt is when he breaks criminals our of prison! Oh no, criminals are corrupt? No way!
- However, my favorite scene: I always loved Batsy and Catwoman's relationship. They both have so many sides and their constant fight with their selves is so compelling and touching. During the whole movie I just wanted one kiss where they are both in their suits, just one that resembles the great comic scenes - and I got it! It was so cute!

FINAL THOUGHTS, No spoilers!

Looking at the movies, the third was more of a sequel of the first one. I see the structure it wanted to have, but trust me, the second movie can be skipped, even though it is the best one out of three. If you are looking to have fun, or you just want a conclusion to the trilogy, you should really check it out. But just as the X-Men: Last Stand or as Spider-Man 3 was a failure, as far as story goes so is this one. But for some reason people don’t seem to notice it, so whatever. I’m about to head out to see the new Amazing Spider-Man, afterwards we’ll talk about the old ones too! Coming soon!

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